Nevermore
by Agryo
Summary: MAJOR CHAPTER 488 SPOILERS! Drabble of Gajeel's musings after all hell broke loose, literally, and it seems as though all is lost. Rated for our favorite Iron Dragonslayer's foul language; GaLe


_Hullo everyone~ Aggy here, and feeling really down after the doozy that was Chapter 488..._

 _So I wrote this to kinda vent my feelings and just let loose. Three-ish hours including moments spent tearing up and just generally not being a useful human being._

 _AGAIN, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 488. IF YA CARE AT ALL ABOUT BEING SPOILED TO HELL AND BACK, TURN AROUND NOW._

 _Disclaimer: I_ _do not, and never will, own Fairy Tail nor its wonderful characters... then again, it'd be my sort of thing to do, to pull something like this..._

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The world vanished.

All the light –those flowers, the sky, _her_ \- vanished in a morbid vortex of darkness. Darker than he had been, minutes ago, fighting with everything he had for _her_. Darker than his heart had been, years ago when he hurt _her_.

Well, damn. This was how things would end, then.

This was how Gajeel Redfox would _die_.

Not like he got a good hill to stick a gravestone on, but some twisted dimension of a so-called Grim Reaper should do for an ego like his own.

He'd grin, if he had a crocodile smile to show his gross amusement of this; it felt as though he simply didn't exist. No body, just feeling. No pain, just memories… memories that still hurt him deeper than any damn magical attack ever had.

Each one bloomed within him, warmth in the void that was everything, so searing and true that they made him want to bleed for all that was lost, now.

Eyes wide with shock as blinding light cleared, current still trickling through his metal arm.

Irritation in her posture, doubting his promise to make her big.

Her disheveled hair, free of its bandanna as they faced off against demonic foes.

Her smile, trusting him to win against all odds.

Her lips, warm against his own, giving life in the most glacial of waters.

Damn, he would remember that, specifically. Back then, when he'd had a chance to catch his breath -literally- and think about things afterwards, he'd smiled like a dumb schoolgirl, thinking it was a taste of things to come. After that, his imagination had run away with him, far more than it should for a man of his reputation. _Especially_ when the object of his far-flung fantasies was wearing the same official coat as he, often accompanying him in silence, each alone to their musings… he wondered, only now, if she had pondered the same things he had.

He thought of sweet moments, and a suave offer she couldn't refuse. Candlelight, murmured promises, things that would make even _his_ ears dust with red.

He dreamed of twin bands of iron, and a little house right near the library; bookshelves of gleaming metal from wall to ceiling, and a room just for _their_ cat.

He wished for _more_ rooms, and the laughter that would fill them. A boy and a girl, he had decided, raised with love, care and honor. Little shrimps, spitting images of their mom with, he hoped, a bit of him in their grins.

He decided that she would make a damn fine wife, and a wonderful mother besides.

And this would all he would have, know; thoughts, dreams, wishes… no chance, now, to make what he – _they_ , maybe- wanted true. All because he'd been a damn cocky _idiot_.

He'd been a moron, that's for sure. Winning too many times tends to do that; Salamander had been the first to squarely kick his ass since he was a brat.

After that, after becoming part of Fairy Tail, it was as though he'd become invincible, like they all were. They could be beaten, they could be humiliated, they could be shattered, they could be torn apart at the seams… but never, _ever_ broken. The Fairies' will to fight was stronger than his own iron, even steel, and like ethernano it seeped into him despite his best efforts to remain immune to it. It made him stronger, it made victory a sure sight at the end of a long, dark tunnel. And it had made him reckless. Foolish.

It had made him want to rip apart this poor fucker who reminded him of the bastard he had been before, a being ten times worse because he was able to do this _just to piss them off_.

A laugh would be appropriate, right about now; of all the times to be a coward, grab the girl and run… why was it this time that he'd felt more fearless than ever before, blood roaring like molten metal in his veins? More was at stake than ever before, but never once had he been afraid. More than that, he'd been _brave_. He'd been a _dragon_ , a son his father could be proud of, destruction cloaked in iron scales and with power and speed beyond what any could match. For every hit he took he struck back like an iron tide, and it didn't matter anymore that he was behind, and it didn't matter that he was still too much of a coward despite his bravado. It didn't matter that he was so close to death, because _he would not be the one to die_.

Fear only came back to him when victory had almost seemed secure, and in any other fight it would have been. But the shadows came back, grasping and greedy, demanding his soul as a price. And as they did, the terror in her eyes became his own.

He fought, he really did. But when he realized that she could die, that her life could be extinguished, well.

He found there was such a thing as admitting defeat, no matter how it made him want to curl up and cry like he did when Metalicana had vanished. More, even, given he saw his own despair reflected in her face, in his partner's, shining in their tears as his own flowed freely for the first time since that day.

And now, here he was.

Nowhere, as far as he was concerned; no place he should be.

The only place that ever existed in his eyes now was the place by her side. Where he could smile down at her – _genuinely_ , not a caricature of a grin. Where he could shade her – not with his imposing stature, but just because he wanted to keep her out of the sun. Where he could hold her – without shame, without embarrassment that his steely heart wasn't so tough after all.

Now, though, he could only hope that someone else would fill that role in his stead. Probably Jet or Droy; they weren't much, but they cared for her, truly, and either one would be there for her. Maybe, he hoped, one could make her happy again. The world would be a damn sorry place if she never graced it with her smile ever again.

Maybe that was all his death needed; her beaming light, to shine on through and find him, as it found him years ago. Warmed up the cold shell of who he was, let him see beyond hatred and snuffed-out emotions, gave him a new definition of what strength really was.

Who would've thought that a shrimp of a mage would be the one to mold solid steel to her liking, to shape him into a better person?

Definitely not he, Black Steel Gajeel… maybe Pantherlily knew; had known all along. His reserved, feline smiles always held something knowing to them, as though he was the cat who caught the canary. Though that Exceed had definitely hunted many a bird in his time, these specific looks always occurred when he caught his partner lost in thought. Maybe trying to read a book, something his father had never deemed important enough to teach him. Maybe sitting at a table, tasting a hearty pint of some brew as he watched her in turn. Or maybe more recently, as he worked to make his iron shaped not for a fight, but for a promise.

Lily would protect her, now; if he didn't know who to trust with her love, he damn well knew who to trust with her safety. He'd definitely chosen the best cat of them all, and a best friend to boot. Seeing the big guy cry was kind of like looking into some wretched mirror; they were too alike, Exceed and Dragonslayer, and it had made his own tears all the more bitter.

Hah… damn cat was right; he should've told her sooner. Then, maybe, he wouldn't be left in this abyss with only his regrets for company.

Only, death would not be so kind.

It was then that Bradman's voice joined him.

Whispering, mumbling, gloating. In that foul, annoying language that made the hurt come back, bittersweet as ever.

So he blocked out the demon's words with a memory, and let what remained of who he was become absorbed in this fantasy.

Levy had read him many books. He couldn't count them; he didn't dare, assuming there would always be more to follow. It had started after one of the usual guild brawls; a novel to bide their time as he sat out the rowdy activities Fairy Tail was known for.

Soon enough, it became a habit, which became a routine, which became a rule both followed without mention. Some were whimsical things she would laugh over; he always claimed they sounded stupid, but in her voice the tales didn't seem so farfetched. Others held seeping monstrosities, histories that he wished she did not understand. But she _did_. And she faced each, eager and curious, recounting every twist and turn along with him, refusing to skip ahead to when the heroes would have an easier life.

There was one such story where no happy ending had come, bearing words just as damn confusing as those this demon spun. He still recalled it vividly; a man gone mad with lost love, feeling his insanity has caught up to him as a raven would chortle out a single word at the poor soul. _Nevermore_ , the pitch creature had rasped.

Recalling the tale lead to recalling the stories, which brought him back to her, and dragged his heart onwards to the moments they'd shared, moments he now treasured even now as they pained him. But no one could ever say he was weak; that he would give up this easily, let the future he'd missed slip through his fingers so easily. He wouldn't let her face the world alone, even if she never knew he was supporting her, never again able to protect her, never again by her side.

Maybe it was a reality that was out of reach for him. A life with _her_. But damn it if he was going to let some laughing goon tear him down about his own death! She was safe, now; she would be happy, someday. That's what mattered for now. And, one day, he'd find a way out of this darkness, and he'd join her. Somewhere nicer; somehow, he imagined that it would be a land of golden fields, just awaiting the two of them.

As an eternity began in his own personal hell, Gajeel Redfox's voice rose, booming and vicious and full of life he no longer truly had. A challenge to death, to dare it keep him from where he belonged.

" _Gi-hi-hi_! Nevermore, forevermore? _My ass_! I'm a fucking fairy, now; I ain't gonna see forever as anything but what I want it to be!"

Bradman's hiss died down, his own conviction gaining in power.

"Mark my words, it _will_ be the two of us, someday! And don't you forget it, Levy McGarden; I promised I'll make you big!"


End file.
